Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
