just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
