Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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