I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
