Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
