Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
