i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
