ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
