According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
