She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize