I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
