If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
