I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
