This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
