There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize