She went from zero to smokin in five shots
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
