I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
