he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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