Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
