Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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