Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
