Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
