I think scott just propositioned me for sex
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize