just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
