I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
