Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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