Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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