Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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