I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
