is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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