A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
