He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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