so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
