Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
