I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
