mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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