perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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