I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Green mimosas i think yes
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
