I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
