Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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