he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
