69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
