I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize