Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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