I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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