I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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