if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
