Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
