can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
