Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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