Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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