is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
