I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
