She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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