Are we in a gay sports bar?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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