sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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