You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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