he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
