dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
