my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
