you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
They are going to name an STD after you.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
