What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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