I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
