wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
