i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
ttyl tear gas
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
