i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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