My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
