Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
