He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i think i just lost a toe
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
