wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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