Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
