grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
