Quick, to the slutcave!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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