just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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