Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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