i just wanna soil my oats bro
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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