My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
