I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
