Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize