Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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