Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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