i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
whose ass print is on the piano?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize