You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
