So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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