Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
