Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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