So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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