i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
