Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
