hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
