at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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