today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
