i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize