Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
