It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
