So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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