Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
