u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
