Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
