When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
