My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
