But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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