she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize