At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
