Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
