You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
