just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
