oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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