Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
