Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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