she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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