You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
