I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
