It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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