I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
