I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
