i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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