Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
