I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
