I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You made out with two different species that night
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
