I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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