I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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