rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
