because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
