i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
